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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?